Am I acting weird?
I’m sitting on the train, earbuds in, laughing at a voice message my friend sent me. It’s that kind of laugh where you laugh but try not to laugh too loud, so you don’t look weird just laughing on the train to yourself because nobody can see you have earbuds in. Then, this guy looks at me, and I get the impression he’s saying to himself, ‘Look at that weird dude over there laughing.’ But he didn’t say it.
And so, that’s the question I’ve been tossing back and forth inside my own head. Strange that we can be our own harshest critics, ain’t it? People around us could be too polite or caring enough to not tell us right away, “Dude, you’re acting pretty darn weird.” So, I figured the best way to figure it out is to try and dissect my own thoughts and actions. So, let’s see?
Peering through the reflection of myself cast on this blank document and my webcam open as a mirror, I noticed recently my laugh has taken on a stranger edge, and my attempts at conversation seem, well, abnormal. Despite my natural inclination to spin intricate tales, my ability to maintain focused chatter is flagging. Even simple tasks like making dinner or watching a damn movie seem to have lost their flair. I mean, seriously…
Who loses interest in watching a movie? Maybe it’s just a problem with my passion?
But hold on a second there, let me backtrack. The thing is, I’ve always seen myself as quite regular, you know? Nothing over the top, nothing under the radar. Kinda like one of those background characters in a sitcom, the ones nobody minds but never actually misses. Gunther from Friends, Kenneth Parcel from 30 Rock or Howard Wolowitz’s unseen mother. But now, as I felt the question raise its ugly head again, “Am I acting weird?” a chilling realization dawned on me.
Maybe I was. Maybe this whole time… I’m a… a weirdo.
What bugs me is, I’ve been kinda finding myself at opposite ends of a teeter-totter. One moment I’m buzzing with frenetic energy and the next, trapped in quicksand-like lassitude. No middle ground, no brake pedal. All or nothing. Maybe that sounds cool and all, but it ain’t. It’s exhausting, to put it mildly.
First, I figured it’s just one of them phases, like maybe it’s linked to the moon or some weird cosmic energy. But hell, even Mercury can’t be in retrograde all the damn time. So. I decided to do something I hardly do. I went and asked around. You know, get some input, get a reality check, hear it from the horse’s mouth.
To my surprise, some said I seemed more aloof, while others thought I was more engaging. So, that swung me right back to square one. Was I acting weird, or am I just weird?
Honestly, you’ve been a bit distant lately. Like, you’re there but not really there, you know?
It almost feels like you’re in your own world sometimes. Like, physically present but mentally on Mars.
Man, I don’t care. I’m weird too.
Dude, I’ve noticed you’ve been more outgoing recently. Like that time at Jen’s party, you were the life of it, man.
You seem to have a lot more energy these days. It’s like you’ve turned into an extrovert!
I don’t know, bro. From where I’m standing, you look the same. Just a bit more…animated, I guess?
To me, you’ve always been a bit quirky. But lately, it’s like you’re on overdrive or something!
Seems like weirdness is kind of subjective? One person’s weird might be another person’s version of normal! So, am I acting weird? Maybe. Yet does it matter if I am? Nah. I think I’d rather embrace my quirks than try moulding myself into some standard version of ’normal,’ whatever that is.
I guess the next time that voice in your head asks, “Am I acting weird?” just say, “That’s fine.” After all, life’s too short to worry about impressing people who wouldn’t remember us anyway. So, am I acting weird? Who knows, but more importantly, who cares? ‘Cause at the end of the day, we’re all fantastic, complex, ‘weird’ beings in our own way, and hell, ain’t that something beautiful?
Now toss it over to you. What’s your take on it?